Words for Living

I watched an inspiring story from the American ABC last week. (Who says TV is not educational!) It was about an American professor who was given only a few months to live, and what he decided to do during the last few months of his life. If you go to Google and do a search of The Last Lecture, you will be able to read all about it.

One of the things that caught my interest was something that his wife said.
The TV presenter asked her what she tells herself every day, knowing that her husband will be gone soon and will leave her with three young children. Without any hesitation, she said “I have all that I need”. That was her answer. Period.

It was her way of coping with the situation she was facing. It is true that she probably will have adequate finances and a house to raise the children. Plus she can always go back to work at some time in the future. She has three lovely children, relatives and friends to support her. So in a sense she has all that she needs. It is better than thinking about all the uncertainties that she will soon face when her husband dies; better than giving herself a negative outlook.
At times of needs, we need words that will reassure us and give us some hope and optimism; words that make up a mantra, not in the incantation sense but as a way of thinking.
In difficult times, one’s mind can be bombarded by fear, anxiety and questions. For every positive thought, there may be three or four negative counter points. It is important to be able to focus on an important thought (or pattern of thinking) that will stay above all others. Every time, we have some negative thoughts, we go back to our mantra to keep ourselves sane, rational, and focused (on the right things).

Years ago, I had a friend who was a recent migrant to Australia. He found it very difficult to adjust to the new country and I used to re-assure him by saying “things can only improve”. I would like to think that those words gave him hope and sustained him through his difficult days.

When my late wife was fighting cancer, we came up with “do not get ahead of the situation; take one day at a time”. Every time we worry or feel anxious to find out what was happening, we calmed ourselves with those words.

When she passed away, I dealt with it by saying “there are things that I cannot change”. If I could have changed things, she would not have got cancer or died from it, but I couldn’t. I did all I could to give her tender loving care, motivate her through the difficult days, celebrate her good days, talked her through the dark hours, just about everything that one could possibly do, but they all came to nothing at the end. So I have to tell myself to accept her death as fate, God’s will or whatever, without any guilt.

Another mantra that I find useful for myself is “don’t look back, look ahead”. When things seem dismay because of a mistake, there is really no point in blaming yourself or anyone else. Just cop it sweet and move on with your life. No matter how much you may have lost, think “I have life”.

Life has its ups and downs. There may be a few occasions in your life when you will find yourself in a tough situation. I do hope that you will find the words to help you keep going. Talking to others about your problems may allow you to come up with the words that will be meaningful to you. Good luck!